Kelly Boutilier 2019-05-28 Kelly Boutilier 2019-05-28

Grief: How are you showing up as a leader?

Tout commence par une idée.

Hello leaders,

It’s been awhile. The post you are about to read is a lot more personal than I would normally write. I hope you’ll read it all the same. It’s about grief, mental health and how we, as leaders, need to do better.

A year ago today, I sat in a windowless hospital room with my grandmother, Patricia, as she was dying. It was a miserable, cold and wet day in Nova Scotia. I was alone, exhausted and going a bit stir crazy if I’m honest. I hate hospitals and between my aunt and myself, we’d been holding vigil for five days.

I’ll remember the moment she took her last breath for the rest of my life. Being there with her that day, as she was dying, was one of the hardest things I’ve had to do in my life.

But I’m glad I did it.

We don’t do grief well as a society. I think in part, because the idea of losing someone you love is so horrific, we turn away from thinking about it… so when it happens to someone else, the words just don’t come. Or, we rely on the standard, “I’m so sorry for your loss”. We mean well, but our efforts are seriously lacking.

One thing that surprised me about death is there are a lot of logistics to sort out. Turns out, grief makes it hard to make decisions and plan things. The fortunate few will be offered bereavement leave by their company; usually get three to five days to take care of this stuff. On the surface, this seems great, but it is nowhere near enough time.

When it’s time to go back to work, your grief is very public. Colleagues and leaders who know about your situation will, hopefully, treat you with care.

“Where things get messy is when, after a few weeks of being back in your routine, everyone who isn’t you, forgets that you are grieving.”

Fast forward a few months, and your grief is no longer on the radar of those same people. Your grief becomes private, but it’s still there, and you are not the same person you were before the loss.

Pay attention leaders. If someone on your team isn’t performing the way they used to, consider the possibility that grief is playing a role. Consider the possibility that the person is doing the best they can while carrying unimaginable pain. Talk to your people, and come prepared with resources that are available. Ask them what they need and be prepared that they might not have an answer.

I was fortunate enough to have my grandmother in my life for forty years. She taught me the importance of kindness and generosity. She encouraged me to chase my dreams and had my back when my projects failed. Probably most importantly, she taught me what it meant to have courage and to keep going no matter what. She was the only family I had that consistently showed up for me.

Before she died, she told us she didn’t want a funeral, or a death announcement. She wanted her body to be donated to medical science so she could help future doctors learn. She lived on this planet for 90 years, and then was gone.

That never sat well with me, and so I thought about how I might be able to mark her passing in a way that she would have appreciated. Today, I launch an EP of music I have composed over the past year. I hope you’ll take the time to listen to it. You can find it here: https://kellyboutilier.bandcamp.com/album/joy-is-a-radical-act

My grandmother would have hated the music, but been very proud of me for challenging my fears and putting it out there.

I wish you could have known her.

Kelly Boutilier 2019-05-28 Kelly Boutilier 2019-05-28

Titre 2 du billet de blog

Tout commence par une idée.

Tout commence par une idée. Peut-être voulez-vous créer une entreprise. Peut-être voulez-vous donner une nouvelle dimension à un passe-temps. Ou peut-être avez-vous un projet créatif que vous souhaitez partager avec le monde entier. Quel que soit votre cas, la façon dont vous racontez votre histoire en ligne peut faire toute la différence.

Ne vous souciez pas d’avoir l’air professionnel. Soyez vous-même. Il y a plus de 1,5 milliard de sites web, mais c’est votre histoire qui vous différenciera. Si, en relisant les mots, vous n’entendez pas votre propre voix dans votre tête, c’est le signe que vous avez encore du chemin à parcourir.

Soyez clair(e), ayez confiance et n’y réfléchissez pas trop. La beauté de votre histoire, c’est qu’elle va continuer à évoluer et que votre site peut évoluer avec elle. Votre objectif, c’est qu’il soit le reflet du moment présent. La suite s’écrira d’elle-même. C’est toujours ainsi.